As most of you know, Kamdyn's biological father is not James. However, this is something that Kamdyn is completely unaware of. In his eyes and in his heart, James is his daddy and he has no idea that there is a man out there whom he does not even know that is actually his father. Well, after much thinking and praying about it James and I have decided that the time has come to start the process of explaining things to Kamdyn in the best way possible for a 4 year old to understand. This is one of the hardest decisions of my life because selfishly I want to keep this a secret forver(although I know I cant) I do not think that his bio father deserves even a second thought from Kamdyn at this point. He has done nothing to earn Kamdyn even thinking of him. I worry that when Kamdyn finds out he is going to yearn for more information, information that he just isnt old enough to understand at this age. However, without that information, I fear that he will idolize him and build him up to be as wonderful of a daddy as James is, and that simply just isnt the case. But how can a 4 yr old understand those things? How can I keep him from having this fairy tale vision of his bio father without talking negatively about him to Kamdyn or without making Kamdyn feel like he wasnt wanted(which is something I never want him to feel!!!) However, I know that he is already starting to piece together some things and the questions are starting to form, they just havent came out yet. I would rather us be up front and honest about it now, while he is so young and cant fully grasp the concept so that he has many years to have it in the back of his mind and know the truth. Then once he reaches the age that he does fully get it, he will already have the knowledge and it not be a shock to him. I would much rather that than to wait until he is 8 or 9 years old and then tell him and him fully get the concept of what it means and have hurt and anger about that plus be angry that we kept it from him for all those years.
We have purchased kid friendly books about adoption and step parent adoption and plan to read them to him every night as his bedtime story for several months. Once he is used to the terms "adoption" and "biological" and is familiar with how that takes place, then we will sit him down and tell him his story : ) Of course, Kamdyn is already becoming very familiar and aware of adoption since we started our wonderful journey. He takes his action figures and stuffed animals and makes 2 families. One set of parents are good parents who want to help little kids. The other family is a set of parents who arent very good at taking care of their kids and he will take the kids out of the bad situation and put them in with the "good" family : ) And on a few occasions he has decided it was his job to point out kids in the stores who he thought either didnt have a family at all or didnt have a good family and talk about how they needed a new family LOL
This is a very emotional time for me as his mommy because my job is to protect him from any thing or anyone that might hurt him and now, Im having to be the one to tell him information that without a doubt, at some point, will hurt him. Its heart breaking but it has to be done. Please just say a prayer for us during this emotional time and pray that James and I handle this in the best way possible. Also please say a prayer for Kamdyn as this is going to be a very confusing situation for him as well.
