Monday, January 30, 2012
The stars in my heart.....
Saturday, January 28, 2012
2 weeks in and I am forever changed!
During training today we got to hear from a foster mom who has had over 50 kids during her time as a foster parent. She was such an inspiration to me! What an amazing lady with such powerful stories!!! She spoke of her trials and tribulations as a foster mom (primarily to teens) but also spoke of the great rewards and joy that comes along with being a foster parent. Hearing her talk about all of the children that had been placed in and out of her home just broke my heart...for some of them, this was their 10th or 12th home since coming into care and some of which were up for adoption but had been with her for years because no one wanted to adopt them! Can you imagine how that must make you feel if you are a child? Growing up as a child I had a very stable and loving family and always felt wanted and loved. For some kids, they have never experienced this and she is able to give this to some of these kids for the first time in their lives! What an amazing reward that is!!! As I sat and listened to her stories I began to do a lot of thinking and I realized something! Without ever really realizing it before, all 3 of our sweet boys have been put through similar situations and have been or will be effected in some way or another by these things. Thomas and Daniel have been through seeing their parents go through divorce and have their family split apart. They are with us 50% of the time and with their mom 50% of the time. We all love them very much and would do anything to see them happy! But, where is home? Each week those boys go from house to house, family to family, these rules here and those rules there, these toys and clothes at this house to other toys and clothes at another house. They have to go every other week without seeing their neighborhood friends, or their pets, or maybe just their favorite toy or blanket. Even though they are well adjusted and typically never complain, it cant be easy on them... and they have the luxury of going through all of that with parents and family who love them, care for them and support them. I can not imagine being a small child and going through those same scenarios, only not having parents who seem to care at all, or not having any one there to tuck them in at night, or to even feed them and clothe them. What a horrible thing for anyone to have to experience, but especially for an innocent and helpless child.
Then you have Kamdyn who lives with us full time and has the love and support from both James and myself as well as our families. He is a well adjusted, happy, lovable child who has no idea that there is a man out there some where that is his biological father, and that man is not James as he has always thought. There is a man out there somewhere who walked away and gave up on him before ever giving him a fair chance! Without ever being a father to him and without ever having a chance to bond with him, he decided that Kamdyn just wasnt worth the time, effort and money that went in to being his father. How will that effect Kamdyn when he gets older? I can only hope that the love that James and I give to him and the love from both of our families will be enough to show him that he is a wonderful child and that there is nothing wrong with him....its not HIS fault and he did NOTHING to cause his biological father to make those decisions.
So as I said, both situations are very similar to things that foster kids experience(moving from place to place, having no place to really call home, being removed from their favorite items, families torn apart, not having their biological parent in their lives, and not even being old enough to remember them or anything about them) thankfully our boys have something that the children coming into care do not have.... They have their families still taking care of them. They are not being taken and placed with complete strangers who know very little, or nothing at all about them. Can you imagine how frightening that must be as a child? I admire the foster parents who take in these children to love and care for, even if for only a short period of time. The foster parents, like the lady I met today, that continue to show these kids that they are loved and special, even when the kids are pulling away and acting out.
When I first started this journey with James, my primary goal was to adopt a little girl and to complete our family. I was most excited about finally having a little girl to raise and bond with. I was looking forward to frills and bows and pigtails and tutus.....However if someone were to ask me what I am most excited about now, my answer would be completely different! Sure, I am still excited to do that (very excited) but I am quickly realizing that God has much more in store for us on this journey than just adoption. God has opened my eyes and my heart to foster care and to being an advocate and ministering to these children who will need us more than anyone has ever needed us before. Children who need us in ways we can not even imagine. These children need to be shown love, the need to be taught right from wrong and they need to be shown what its like to have values and morals. They need to know what a healthy parent/child relationship and a healthy husband/wife relationship looks like. BUT most of all most of these children need to know about one very important person, someone who will be with them always and never let them down. GOD! So go ahead, ask me what I am most excited about now, after only 2 weeks of training! I am SO excited to become a foster mom and give kids a home who need a safe place, to help them to feel loved and understand, the best that they can, what is going on, to teach them about God and take them to church. I am excited to make a difference in their life(even if only for a short time) and I am ready for these kids to change MY life as well. So I think its only right that I now change the title of this blog to JOURNEY THROUGH FOSTER CARE AND ADOPTION,(Instead of just journey to adoption) as the foster care part is now a huge part of my dreams and goals. Yes, our goal is to still adopt, and hopefully sooner than later. However, it is SO much more than just that. God had a plan for us all along, he just brought it to my heart in the form of adoption because he knew we would listen more and be more receptive to that idea at first but he knew that through training and talking with people, we would realize the importance of foster care and become more focused on helping all children placed in our homes not just so focused on finding that one special little girl to adopt : ) And guess what, it worked!
~Ashlee~
Then you have Kamdyn who lives with us full time and has the love and support from both James and myself as well as our families. He is a well adjusted, happy, lovable child who has no idea that there is a man out there some where that is his biological father, and that man is not James as he has always thought. There is a man out there somewhere who walked away and gave up on him before ever giving him a fair chance! Without ever being a father to him and without ever having a chance to bond with him, he decided that Kamdyn just wasnt worth the time, effort and money that went in to being his father. How will that effect Kamdyn when he gets older? I can only hope that the love that James and I give to him and the love from both of our families will be enough to show him that he is a wonderful child and that there is nothing wrong with him....its not HIS fault and he did NOTHING to cause his biological father to make those decisions.
So as I said, both situations are very similar to things that foster kids experience(moving from place to place, having no place to really call home, being removed from their favorite items, families torn apart, not having their biological parent in their lives, and not even being old enough to remember them or anything about them) thankfully our boys have something that the children coming into care do not have.... They have their families still taking care of them. They are not being taken and placed with complete strangers who know very little, or nothing at all about them. Can you imagine how frightening that must be as a child? I admire the foster parents who take in these children to love and care for, even if for only a short period of time. The foster parents, like the lady I met today, that continue to show these kids that they are loved and special, even when the kids are pulling away and acting out.
When I first started this journey with James, my primary goal was to adopt a little girl and to complete our family. I was most excited about finally having a little girl to raise and bond with. I was looking forward to frills and bows and pigtails and tutus.....However if someone were to ask me what I am most excited about now, my answer would be completely different! Sure, I am still excited to do that (very excited) but I am quickly realizing that God has much more in store for us on this journey than just adoption. God has opened my eyes and my heart to foster care and to being an advocate and ministering to these children who will need us more than anyone has ever needed us before. Children who need us in ways we can not even imagine. These children need to be shown love, the need to be taught right from wrong and they need to be shown what its like to have values and morals. They need to know what a healthy parent/child relationship and a healthy husband/wife relationship looks like. BUT most of all most of these children need to know about one very important person, someone who will be with them always and never let them down. GOD! So go ahead, ask me what I am most excited about now, after only 2 weeks of training! I am SO excited to become a foster mom and give kids a home who need a safe place, to help them to feel loved and understand, the best that they can, what is going on, to teach them about God and take them to church. I am excited to make a difference in their life(even if only for a short time) and I am ready for these kids to change MY life as well. So I think its only right that I now change the title of this blog to JOURNEY THROUGH FOSTER CARE AND ADOPTION,(Instead of just journey to adoption) as the foster care part is now a huge part of my dreams and goals. Yes, our goal is to still adopt, and hopefully sooner than later. However, it is SO much more than just that. God had a plan for us all along, he just brought it to my heart in the form of adoption because he knew we would listen more and be more receptive to that idea at first but he knew that through training and talking with people, we would realize the importance of foster care and become more focused on helping all children placed in our homes not just so focused on finding that one special little girl to adopt : ) And guess what, it worked!
~Ashlee~
Thursday, January 26, 2012
A journal entry written about me by Daniel
I have a step mom, her name is Ashlee. She is nice kind and funny. She helps me with my homework. She does a bunch like greets me when i walk in the door. She makes my lunch. She even cleans my dirty dishes and does my laundry. So even when Im mad at her or she is mad at me, she would still do all that stuff. Sometimes I might not say "thank you" she still does it because she loves me. She will also sometimes let me go outside and play with all of my friends. She is really nice. She watches over me and is the best step mom you can get. She even helps me by like telling me right from wrong. She might be my step mom but she is still nice as you can ever imagine!
AWWWW! This just melted my heart!!!!
AWWWW! This just melted my heart!!!!
Adoption Symbol
TRAINING, REQUIREMENTS, AND LICENSES OH MY!
* Training consists of 5 Saturdays in a row from 9am-4pm... Status: 1 Saturday down, 4 to go : )
* Videos and homework from training day 1..... Status: SLACKING
* Applications, family history, SAFE questions, Foster Parent preference questions and various other paperwork.....Status: DONE
* CPR and First Aid class.... Status: March
* Background checks, fingerprints, drug screens, physicals & TB test,(for everyone in the home) and medical history....
* Home Study, Fire inspection, Health inspection, Home floor plan, fire escape plan ......Status: TBA
* Medicine lock box, emergency box filled with changes of clothes and blankets for everyone, flashlights, water etc outlet covers, tooth brush covers, fire extinguisher etc.... Status: PARTIALLY DONE
* House rules and Schedules....Status: DONE
* Videos and homework from training day 1..... Status: SLACKING
* Applications, family history, SAFE questions, Foster Parent preference questions and various other paperwork.....Status: DONE
* CPR and First Aid class.... Status: March
* Background checks, fingerprints, drug screens, physicals & TB test,(for everyone in the home) and medical history....
* Home Study, Fire inspection, Health inspection, Home floor plan, fire escape plan ......Status: TBA
* Medicine lock box, emergency box filled with changes of clothes and blankets for everyone, flashlights, water etc outlet covers, tooth brush covers, fire extinguisher etc.... Status: PARTIALLY DONE
* House rules and Schedules....Status: DONE
3+2=5
Individually we are special,
together we are spectacular
9-13-1975 James Ray Caliendo was born (Ashlee's parents were newlyweds)
10-31-1984 Ashlee Reanna Bryant was born (James was a vibrant, full of energy 9 year old boy)
9-6-1997 James gets married (Ashlee was 12 years old)
12-28-1999 Thomas James Caliendo was born (Ashlee had just turned 15 years old)
10-19-2001 Daniel Anthony Caliendo was born (Ashlee was almost 17, homeschooling and working as CNA)
12-25-2006 Ashlee was living in Saginaw Tx and had just gotten engaged to a man with 3 boys. James, his wife
and 2 kids were living in Arlington Tx.
2-14-2006 Ashlee found out she was expecting a little miracle, engagement was called off and she moved home
with her parents in Grandview, Tx.
10-10-2007 Kamdyn Lewis Bryant was born (Ashlee and Kamdyn were living in Grandview. James and family
were living in Red Oak Tx.)
2007-2009 James and Ashlee were both struggling in different towns to make relatioships work for different
reasons.
May 2009 Ashlee had finally realized that no matter how hard she tried, her relationship, and the relationship between Kamdyn and his biological father, could not be saved.
May 20,2009 Ashlee wrote this
"DEAR GOD,
You are the author of this book, Im only a minor character in this drama
filled novel. You finish the chapter how you see fit! You control the end of the
chapter as well as the end of the book! Let me know how it ends but PLEASE do
not let my son be hurt and let down by this cold hearted man!!!!! Please help
Kamdyn to understand that mommy did everything she could to try and MAKE his
father be the man that he needed but it just didnt work like I planned!!!!
Please help him as he gets older to understand the meaning behind the saying "
any man can be a father but it takes a REAL MAN to be a daddy" Help me to raise
Kamdyn to be a REAL man and give him the guidance he needs to be a loving,
caring gentleman regardless of who his father is! And one more thing....if you
would like to send "PRINCE CHARMING" my way to sweep me off my feet and step in
and be the "daddy" that Kamdyn needs; im ok with that too!
May 22, 2009 (2 days later and 4 towns over) James discovered information which made him file for divorce.
June 2009 James and Ashlee were introduced via Facebook by a mutual friend. They exchanged numbers and began casually talking.
July 13, 2009 James and Ashlee had their first date.....Ashlee now believes in love at first site <3
February 6, 2010 James and Ashlee get married. Pledge vows to each other and the boys.
February 24, 2011 Termination papers are filed with the court and Kamdyns life has just changed forever(for the better)
A NEW FAMILY IS CREATED......
The Gift of Life
I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I
feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.
For us to have each
other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you
The gift of
life,
Life gave me the gift of you.
10-31-1984 Ashlee Reanna Bryant was born (James was a vibrant, full of energy 9 year old boy)
9-6-1997 James gets married (Ashlee was 12 years old)
12-28-1999 Thomas James Caliendo was born (Ashlee had just turned 15 years old)
10-19-2001 Daniel Anthony Caliendo was born (Ashlee was almost 17, homeschooling and working as CNA)
12-25-2006 Ashlee was living in Saginaw Tx and had just gotten engaged to a man with 3 boys. James, his wife
and 2 kids were living in Arlington Tx.
2-14-2006 Ashlee found out she was expecting a little miracle, engagement was called off and she moved home
with her parents in Grandview, Tx.
10-10-2007 Kamdyn Lewis Bryant was born (Ashlee and Kamdyn were living in Grandview. James and family
were living in Red Oak Tx.)
2007-2009 James and Ashlee were both struggling in different towns to make relatioships work for different
reasons.
May 2009 Ashlee had finally realized that no matter how hard she tried, her relationship, and the relationship between Kamdyn and his biological father, could not be saved.
May 20,2009 Ashlee wrote this
"DEAR GOD,
You are the author of this book, Im only a minor character in this drama
filled novel. You finish the chapter how you see fit! You control the end of the
chapter as well as the end of the book! Let me know how it ends but PLEASE do
not let my son be hurt and let down by this cold hearted man!!!!! Please help
Kamdyn to understand that mommy did everything she could to try and MAKE his
father be the man that he needed but it just didnt work like I planned!!!!
Please help him as he gets older to understand the meaning behind the saying "
any man can be a father but it takes a REAL MAN to be a daddy" Help me to raise
Kamdyn to be a REAL man and give him the guidance he needs to be a loving,
caring gentleman regardless of who his father is! And one more thing....if you
would like to send "PRINCE CHARMING" my way to sweep me off my feet and step in
and be the "daddy" that Kamdyn needs; im ok with that too!
May 22, 2009 (2 days later and 4 towns over) James discovered information which made him file for divorce.
June 2009 James and Ashlee were introduced via Facebook by a mutual friend. They exchanged numbers and began casually talking.
July 13, 2009 James and Ashlee had their first date.....Ashlee now believes in love at first site <3
February 6, 2010 James and Ashlee get married. Pledge vows to each other and the boys.
February 24, 2011 Termination papers are filed with the court and Kamdyns life has just changed forever(for the better)
A NEW FAMILY IS CREATED......
The Gift of Life
I didn't give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I
feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.
For us to have each
other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you
The gift of
life,
Life gave me the gift of you.
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